Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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