ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
