i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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