I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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