That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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