My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
