so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
