Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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