Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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