We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My feet surprised me
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