she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
