He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
