you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
