Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
