she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
