Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize