It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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