I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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