Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
