Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
