We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
