I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize