if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
