I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Found your dick twin last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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