Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
