absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
