RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
