I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
