I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
