i think i have two assholes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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