can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
