I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize