Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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