Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
