so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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