Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
