hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
