Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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