When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
