Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
