btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize