Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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