i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
