i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
