my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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