You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
