she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
