that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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