I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
