And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
