her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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