Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize