I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
