He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
