yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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