What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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