I think I died a long time ago.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
