I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
