if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
