member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
nutella sex= disaster
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
