You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize