That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
