Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
