you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
