guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
