everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize