Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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