hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
