I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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