It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
